Sharing

Today I find myself sitting at a desk, bored, working, and waiting for my lunch break. I'm in a back office currently, so I can take any lunch break I want, but really who wants to go to an empty lunch room to sit by themselves? I'm pretty hungry because I didn't eat breakfast this morning as I rushed out, yet I'm still waiting for one of my co-workers I have become particularly close with. I could go eat now, but I'll wait.

I want to recommend to everyone at this point to go and see the movie "Into The Wild" or read the book if you have more time. Books are generally better than the movies anyways. I saw it months ago and the message has stuck with me since then. I won't ruin the ending. I'm pretty sure most people know how it ends anyways, considering it's based on a true story. The part that hits home with me are his last written words. "Happiness is shared." What good is being the happiest person on earth if you have no one to share it with? What good is knowing a martial art if you can't teach and pass it down to others?

My biggest frustration right now is the thought of taking a vacation somewhere hot and sunny to make memories that I can only talk about, but not experience with someone I love. For some people having dreams and accomplishing them is good enough, and that used to be my focus. I feel I have changed substantially in the past few months in that going and being who I always thought I'd be, and getting my dream career isn't good enough. I stopped in the other day to see some girls I used to work with. One asked how school was going and what my plans are for the upcoming year. Six months ago I would have explained a detailed plan with where and what and who I'd be, but all I replied is who knows where life will take me. She asked where the Danielle she knew had run away to, and all I said was "I met a boy" and we laughed. I've realised that it doesn't matter what you're doing. If you have someone to love and hold and laugh with you'll get where you're supposed to go. No need to plan your entire life like I used to. Life will happen whether you want it to or not. All you can do is appreciate everyday you're given and hope the next one is just as good.

A friend is going to France to work, from April through October, leaving me behind for those seven months, which I am not looking forward to. He explained to me that it's just something he has to do. He asked me if I had ever been completely at peace with myself and everything around me, and thinking back I really can't picture a time when I wasn't planning out my future. With so much planning, who has time for peace. He said when he's at camp (he teaches wilderness camps i.e. kayaking, mountain climbing, etc - hardcore outdoorsy things) everyday is just that day. You don't worry about tomorrow and you don't reflect on yesterday until it's all over because you're so in the moment. He tells me being there is the happiest he's ever been and he knows it won't be the same, because nothing ever is, but when you're living in the moment like that, how can you not be happy. I'm heartbroken because I can't share that with him. I'll make my own memories and expereinces in the time he's away, waiting for him to come back to me, if he does, but it won't be as good as a shared experience.

Most people can probably relate. Whether you're sharing success with a classmate, or a significant other, or just going to coffee with friends; it's not the same on your own. Enjoy the people you have in your life and always be willing to make time for the people who are important to you. Wait a little longer, even when you feel like your stomach is eating itself, because chances are it'll pay off.